What it's like to be told you're terminally ill.

On being told "it's pretty far along", and the feelings and the thoughts and planning and all the crap that now I have to do. Come along with me if you want. It should be an interesting ride.

IF YOU WANT TO E-MAIL ME: CHEYENNECO@AOL.COM

I'm looking at everything as if I'm seeing it for the last time, which may well be true, and it gives me such appreciation for things I've taken for granted all my life. But looking at things for the last time allows me to see a lot of them for the first time, if that makes any sense.
Tue Jun 16

Spoke with the lung transplant center today.

I was starting to get a little concerned since I hadn’t heard from the Penn Lung Center.  When I saw Dr. Lee a few weeks ago he said they’d call and set up a time to do the final pre-lung transplant tests, which will take three days and end with a heart catheter on the last day.  Then I didn’t hear from them and usually they’re really prompt in getting stuff set up.  But they just called, and I’ll be going in early August.  Since I’m two hours away, I’ll get a room at the (expensive) Penn Towers which is part of the university/hospital complex where I can walk back and forth.   Their “concierge” is sending me a bunch of stuff and the doctor is sending a bunch more stuff.   I also have to figure how to have enough oxygen for the four days I’ll be gone. 

 I’ll be a nervious wreck by the time I get there. I want to qualify for the surgery.  And then I’ll need to decide if I want to go through with it or not.  It’s a very difficult surgery, a very difficult recovery, and the chances of rejection are high.  If I had to decide today, I probably wouldn’t do it, because I still have good quality of life left.  As that slips away, as it will, I’m sure I’ll feel differently.

Wow.  Gut-check time.